What People Get Wrong About Valentine's Day

What People Get Wrong About Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day is the worst

I wrote this personal  essay some years ago all about why I don't celebrate Valentine's Day and how my husband and I choose love every day with a number of simple habits and gestures. I definitely still feel the same today.

Valentine’s Day is a "holiday" that has become quite polarizing over the years for good reason. There are those who are totally into it and those like me who think it is the worst and see it as nothing more than a commercialized excuse for forced consumerism and unnecessary financial and emotional pressure. Not to mention the amount of waste it creates is bad for the environment. I talked about my objection to it once and nearly got my head bitten off by a woman I know who told me that if there was no Valentine's Day her husband would never buy her flowers or take her out to eat. Wow that is sad and while I felt bad for her, there are clearly some issues she needs to deal with in her marriage. There was another instance when someone I knew was talking about looking forward to  Valentine's Day because her husband was going to buy her something expensive. I was disturbed in both cases because there was absolutely no mention of love or just spending time together or what they would be doing for their significant others.

Relationship Advice. Good relationships, What People Get Wrong About Valentine's Day

And that's one of my biggest issues with Valentine’s Day. Most people have forgotten about the love aspect and for some it's quite selfish, about showing off or some kind of competition. There are also high expectations from the perfect gifts to the over the top fancy dinners. Again that's not what love is all about and this kind of pressure is not healthy for any relationship. I'm sorry but if you have to wait for that one day a year for your significant other to make some grand gesture and give you a gift all so they can prove their great love for you, you don't really have much of a relationship. Trust me that's not real love, I know because I've been married for 18 years. Real love isn't hearts and roses, it is a deep emotional connection that takes work to sustain and genuine expressions of love from the heart will always be more meaningful than empty obligatory gestures or lavish gifts on a designated day. Also remember that when you're in a relationship, love, respect and appreciation should go both ways. How about being nice and considerate and doing thoughtful things on a regular basis to show your love rather than on just one day of the year. I guarantee this will go a long way to improving your relationship instead of just taking them for granted the rest of the time.

I'm all about love... especially right now.  Even though Valentine's Day is supposedly about love  it focuses on romantic love and excludes single people.  What about them? There are many types of love, not just romantic and they should all be celebrated. The world would seriously be a much better place if we were all kinder and more considerate to ourselves and to each other every day. To quote my friend Kizzy, "Love is for every day & every person."

22 comments

Carolyna's world said...

I don't celebrate Valentine's day either. I consider that we share and express our love every single day . i don't need this all flowers and dinners. In this commercial world we should protect this kind of values like love - cause it's priceless.

best regards
xx

The Dainty Dolls House said...

I love the history/origins of Valentine's day but not the over the top commercialised version of it today. Love is definitely every day and for everyone. It's sad that money makers have over run it and made it so cheap.

Jackie Harrison said...

Wow 18 years that is great and it shows the love and support. I agree with your way of thinking is about working and putting into a relationship and that does not come from a chocolate box or a store.

Doctor Anne said...

I couldn´t agree more, love is for everyday, not for once a year. And fi you find no occasion to show your love for each other 364 days, that one special gift won’t make your relationship right either.

Emmylou said...

I also agree with you, chingu. Even when we were just dating, my husband and I never really celebrated it. I think he was probably more into the whole gifting thing than I was :P Later on, my dad passed away on Valentine's Day so after that, there really was no joy in it for me on this day.

Makeup Muddle said...

It's essentially a day for business really, rather than couples. We should show our loved ones how much we love them all year round xo

Makeup Muddle

FASHION TALES said...

I think like many holidays it's overly commercialised, just as Christmas or Easter in marketing assuming that everyone celebrates. There shouldn't be so much pressure about it, and that's what I don't like. But, I agree and have always felt that love should be celebrated daily.

FashionRadi said...

I see your point and I agree with you. There should be love everyday from the gestures and kind words you say to others.

Shireen L. Platt said...

I couldn't have said it any better, Rowena. Hubby and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day too, we celebrate love every day and don't need one specific day to show how much we mean to each other.

Ivana Split said...

For Catholics there is no way around celebrating Valentine's Day as it is an actual holiday of Saint Valentine and it needs to be observed as such. I do get where you're coming from, though. I feel like it is a bit like Christmas, it has turned into a monstrous commercial thing- and that to me is very off putting....but it doesn't mean that I have stopped celebrating it- in my own way naturally. I can understand how it can make some people depressed and others just choosing to ignore it...but for me it is a very happy day- I don't celebrate it the typical way because I find the whole dinner at a restaurant and a gift thing boring, predictable and commercial. I celebrate it by not celebrating it in the expected (definition) way of doing it that makes sense.

little luxury list said...

Kizzy is indeed a wise woman! There are so many different kinds of love and that should be celebrated often as well!

Pilar said...

I agree Rowena! I wrote something similar last year. We should choose to show love everyday.

R's Rue said...

Thank you.

ALLIE NYC said...

I have to say I am more in your camp. I try not to be negative and let people do what they want. But Valentine's Day is indeed much about consumerism. And unlike what many believe, Valentine's Day is not about love but romance. Love is a solid, enduring, long haul. hard work emotion and is felt between parents and children, siblings, grandparents, other family members, friends and yes couples.

Romance is a fleeting emotion that does not last, and is based on rushes and heady giddiness. It is also used to sell everything under the sun. So if your up for celebrating that, then by all means....don't let me stand the way lol

Allie of
www.allienyc.com

Mica said...

We don't really do Valentine's Day here in Australia, although I know a few stores try to get into it. It's a good time after Valentine's day to pick up reduced flowers or chocolate, haha! I agree it shouldn't need a special day to show someone you love them - love is in the little things, not just the grand gestures anyway.

Hope you're having a lovely weekend :)

Away From Blue

Jo Rashi said...

Awesome post... I completely agree with you.. we surely do not need a particular day to show our love to each other.. :-)
Beauty and fashion/Glamansion

Ruth Josey said...

So true - Valentine's Day is mostly consumerism, but my husband and I only go out for really fancy meals a few times a year, and on the weekend before or after Valentine's Day is one of those times. We do cards....mostly because he really can't stand to let any day that can involve cards slip by. I think he secretly owns stock in American Greetings or Hallmark :P Flowers and chocolates don't really excite me and we'll do things for each other throughout the year. I think if people enjoy making it a special day for them (like birthdays or anniversaries or Christmas), go for it. If you find that those are the only times you're showing each other love, then there's an underlying issue. I also don't think Valentine's Day is just for couples and maybe it's a good time to remember to get in touch with someone who means something to you and let them know you're thinking of them.

Evi Erlinda said...

I agree! Expression of love is not once a year with roses or chocolate candies :)

Dressed With Soul said...

I totally share your opinion, dear Rowena, and you definitely took a wise decision. Fortunately, I don't have to decide this as in our generation it is not usual to celebrate VD in Bavaria ...
xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena
www.dressedwithsoul.com

The Exclusive Beauty Diary said...

I completely agree with you that love is sharing deep connection. Thank you so much for sharing your opinion.

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Paola Lauretano said...

I totally agree with you, Chingu... I prefer to celebrate love every day!

Expressyourself

Stephen said...

Thanks!