Being Positive Isn't Always The Answer

We are so wrapped up in a world of staying positive that we are actually ashamed to feel anything else.

I haven't been posting much lately because of personal matters taking precedence. After passing the two weeks on being fully vaccinated, we've been catching up on all the medical screenings that we postponed due to the pandemic. Unfortunately some issues have popped up which require further testing which isn't fun but needs to be done. 

The recent uptick in hate crimes against Asian Americans has shown no signs of relenting and this has taken a real mental and emotional toll on both mine and my husband's overall wellbeing. As an Asian woman who has lived in NYC my entire life, being on the receiving end of racist and sexist comments are nothing new but the threat of physical assault adds another dimension that renders an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety that I can't shake and I don't feel like I can even walk around freely anymore. So apart from medical appointments, we're still living like shut-ins. Thank goodness for our terrace. 

I get that some people would love for me to just shut up about this issue but it is my reality and a reality for many Asian Americans now. I just can't go the route of toxic positivity and optimism bias on anti-Asian hate crimes and act like they don't exist and can't possibly happen to me or my loved ones. It's not like being positive will magically make them go away. An upside to this is that we've taken on a number of home improvement projects lately, some which involve new furniture and new room layouts which has been both fun and exciting. Since we're spending so much time at home we want to optimize the space as much as possible.

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14 comments

Marianela Beauty Tips said...

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Sakuranko said...

Oh thank you for sharing this
I must confess that lately I feel so sad and empty and tired of everything in my life and I saw some of my friends where everything is like a rainbow of happinness and a part of me would like to happy but I know that is not realistic.

Emmylou said...

I am so sorry to hear about the issues, chingu. (((HUGS)))) Please let me know if there's anything I can do here on my end. And yes...unfortunately, the rise of Asian hate has not really wavered. Aside from my husband (who never stopped working during the pandemic), the whole family has been pretty much like hermits aside from our church visits and quick visits to parks. It's so scary out there now. Even when we go out for walks, I am always on the alert which has never been the case before:( I really do pray things change soon.

The Exclusive Beauty Diary said...

That is so true. I realize few years ago that I don't feel good but I force myself be positive and because that I feel sad. So I stop with that and I accepted that I have some days when I don't feel best and that is ok.

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Doctor Anne said...

I am SO sorry that you have to experience this, it is absolutely shameful that these hate crimes are still allowed to happen.

Mica said...

It's good you are able to spend time at home and make it a nice place to stay but it's sad you don't feel safe or able to enjoy getting our now you are vaccinated. It's so bad the crimes are still continuing, they were in the news here for a bit but I'd assumed as we hadn't heard more that things had improved :(

Hope you have a great weekend ahead of you! It's a fun one here with kids birthday parties :)

Away From The Blue

Pilar said...

Hi Rowena. I'm sorry to hear you're going through some personal matters. When I first read your title I thought about toxic positivity in which coincidentally you mentioned. You're not wrong for voicing your concerns. It makes me sad that these crimes are still happening. I've noticed that it seems like more people are going through something lately. Speaking personally, I too have been going through a lot. Sometimes it's hard to stay positive all the time. We're only human and we're not perfect.

Królowa Karo said...

I will never understand the persecution of people on the basis of origin, although I have the impression that recently such moods are all over the world. Only that brings us nowhere. Take care - I think I'm with you.

Sara said...

So true. Thanks for sharing this!
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Midnight Cowgirl said...

I'm so sorry for all you're going through. You're right that positivity isn't always the answer. I think it's important to share the good times and the bad. The world is such a miserable place right now...

Ivana Džidić Split said...

I absolutely agree that being positive isn't always the answer. Pretending that a problem only makes it worse. So many people are closing their eyes before the problem on racially motivated attacks on Asians and it's both sad and worrying. I'm really worried about the future.

Hena Tayeb said...

I am with you. It is frustrating, aggravating.. that you can not feel safe in your own city.

Evi Erlinda said...

I hope your routine check ups are not bad.

little luxury list said...

I completely agree Rowena! I dropped off the last few months because so much has been going on and no, I'm not always ok. I do try to do what I can to improve the situation, but it can be tough.
It's so disheartening seeing the AAPI hate rearing its head in a new form throughout the US. I can only hope there is much more understanding and support when my kids eventually go back!